Category Archives: Quote of the Day

How To Fall In Love With Someone Who’s Been In Love Before

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You have your first relationship, and then you have your first relationship. The one where you finally figure out, beyond all reasonable doubt or concern, what it’s like to be in love. The one where the word “forever”—however impractical it may be—doesn’t seem so far-fetched anymore; the one where the phrase “I love you” finally sounds right rolling off your tongue; the one that sad Lana Del Rey songs will always be able to describe exactly. It could have happened in high school or college or even after, but it’s a time of innocence and beauty and discovery that can never be captured again. It’s like a dream, but like all dreams, you eventually wake up.

You go to different colleges, your paths go different ways, one of you has to break it off. But how can things ever be the same again? How can you ever not feel attracted to that person? Will you ever find somebody as good as them? Is it all downhill from here?

Then you take a walk in the real world and find out that there are still people who can give you things you’ve never had and make you feel ways you’ve never felt. After some false alarms and missteps, you finally do meet somebody else, often in the most unexpected of ways, and you find yourself swept up in this spontaneous and amazing process of falling in love all over again.

It’s so different from your first but the patterns are the same: there’s the first time you stay up all night talking, the first (unbelievably cute) time you spend the night together, the first time you realize the other person’s just as much of a weirdo as you. You feel like this second person, this second love, is so many things that the old person was not. They are another step forward, a progression in life.

But then you grow closer, and for many of us, a little hard seed of insecurity starts to form. It forms and it grows heavier each time you see a blissful-looking picture of them and their ex on Facebook; it grows each time they get a text or message from their ex, however innocuous it may be. The closer you get to them, the more you see the echo of their first love still bouncing around in their life, barely audible but very present.

And this feeling doesn’t go away. You realize that somebody has already landed and left a flag on this person’s heart. You start to feel that this person and their ex shared a bond that you two will never have. And against your will, against your happiness, you start to put their ex on a pedestal, thinking they’re more beautiful or smart or talented than you are.

If you’re crazy and insecure like me, you start to wonder why in hell this person is dating you. That if they had the chance, and the circumstances were right, they would just go back to their ex. And you keep thinking, and you keep thinking, and you start to feel sorry for who you are.

This is where it all falls to shit—but what you don’t realize is that you are in a relationship precisely because of who you are. You’ don’t have whatever made their ex so special, and you never will; you have what makes you special. If you feed this insecurity, your relationship will develop a cancer, one of the most terminal kinds: a lack of full-on acceptance.

Because if you want to truly love someone, you need to accept them unconditionally. That’s not just their present self; that’s their past as well. You need to accept that they fell in love with somebody else once, and no matter what they tell you about them to make you feel better, there had to have been something special and awesome about their ex to make them feel that way.

But their standards are not your standards. No matter how much worse you think you are, this person is dating you for a reason. You’re not worse, you’re not even better—you’re what they need right now.

Putting their ex down in your mind is to lie to yourself; putting their ex on a pedestal is to do a disservice to yourself. You’re you, and the only thing you can do is to work on being the best “you” you can possibly be. And if you feel you’re not up to par, then do something about it. But trust me: 99% of the time, by just being that original person they fell in love with, you are.

You’ve been given an opportunity, a beautiful opportunity to love somebody. To take care of them and make them feel good and give them that special brand of happiness that only you can provide. Yeah, they can still love their ex as a friend—you might be lying if you didn’t think that about your first true love too. But if you think that they’re shorting you, and all objective signs point to it not being that way, then you’re being as unfair to them as you are to yourself.

That’s the mistake I made. I could never accept that my second girlfriend would like me as much as her seemingly spectacular ex-boyfriend. By the time I realized how stupid and insecure I was being, my constant need to be reassured had driven her away. She meant more to me than anything, and by the time I finally accepted that she—at one point—had felt the same way, I had lost her forever.

Don’t make the same mistake as me. This applies not just to second loves; it’s for anyone who’s falling in love with someone who’s been in love before. Never do yourself the disservice of comparing yourself to their exes. You are being loved for a reason—for being you.

Newton said that matter was never created or destroyed in this universe; it stays at a constant. But for some reason, when you add two people that are in love together, you get…something more. A force bigger than the both of them, something that makes life feel more real, more special, more…worth it.

You’ll never be able to truly love someone and experience that type of beauty unless you fully accept them, and that’s everything about them: their past, present and future. I say the future because after you, there will be someone else. Somebody else they’ll stay up all night talking to, somebody else they’ll sleep with for the first time, somebody else that they’ll one day figure out is just as much of a weirdo as them. Somebody else who might one day feel the same insecurities you’re feeling now about you. And when that time comes, the best thing you can do as a human being is to be respectful and never try to make their future lover feel like that.

Relationships aren’t a property game. It’s not a question of owning each other. It’s a thing of passing through someone’s life, loving them, cuddling with them, laughing with them, sharing everything with them from your favorite movies to the same bed at night. And, when it’s all over, it’s about being their friend and accepting whoever will have the privilege of coming after you.If you can let your ego die and accept all of that, then you will have achieved an enlightenment of love that many people will never get to experience. I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it. You are not going to be and you never were their only love. But what you are, is their lover right now, and right now, that’s all that matters.

 

 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-to-fall-in-love-with-someone-whos-been-in-love-before/

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Life Thoughts

We accept the love we think we deserve.

 

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and neverfind the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on aporch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comesalong their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

 


EAT. PRAY. LOVE.

Eat, Pray, Love is such a fascinating read (it also has a movie version) one that I recommend to any person trying to rediscover him/herself.

I hope the following quotes will encourage you to eat well, pray regularly and love passionately.

  • Look for God. Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water.”
  • “In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.”
  • “We’re miserable because we think that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentment and mortality.”
  • “Your treasure – your perfection – is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.”
  • “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”
  • “In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. The appreciation of pleasure can be an anchor to one’s humanity.”
  • “God is an experience of supreme love.”
  • “Learning how to discipline your speech is a way of preventing your energies from spilling out of you through the rupture of your mouth, exhausting you and filling the world with words, words, words instead of serenity, peace and bliss.”
  • “There is a reason they call God a presence – because God is right here, right now. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time.”

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fithat’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love


The only way to…

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

 


Don’t let something that doesn’t matter cause you to lose something that does.

Don’t let something that doesn’t matter cause you to lose something that does. Again – Don’t let something that doesn’t matter cause you to lose something that does – need I say more?

You don't always get a second shot, at least give your best once you get one.

I admire those who keep on saying that they’re living a life of no regrets. I wonder if they had never committed the mistake of taking for granted something, overlooking at things, while wasting all the good everything around them by being stupid, not appreciating what they already have, how lucky they are at the moment, and still spoiling it by doing things they would have lived happier without anyway.

If you are one, you have my thumbs up for being strong, but at the same time, my utmost sympathy. I hope you’d learn soon. Sooner before everything good around you gets completely lost. I wish you wake up one day seeing what you really wanted. If what you have with you right now is life you wish to live in the future, or even just the path to take in the years to come, then make a move. Stop killing the  happy life you are living by wasting time and effort with non-worthy things.

Worth, love, life and happiness are short but deep words. Words that in the harsh path called reality doesn’t always come together, aren’t given in an instant, and never easy to achieve. So if you are lucky to have felt it, cherish everything. Do not waste a second by taking it for granted. If it is another person who have shown you these words, keep my word, that individual is a gift. A keeper.

Never miss a chance. Never waste a moment. Life is short but sweet, happy but heavy, so if by chance you are lucky to have crossed paths with that someone or something that makes you feel complete, or had given you the feeling of contentment, that often underrated word called worth, please, never ever waste it by any means or learn life’s lessons the hard way.

Think about this, losing something even when you have tried and given your all is easier to live with than having that something and losing it on some worthless matters is far harder to live with in a lifetime.

Again, Don’t let something that doesn’t matter cause you to lose something that does.

*sigh* Sorry, this sounded like a personal rant, indeed it is. I know the thought is vague, some might see this pointless, but please, just this single post. I have no one else to talk to right now. Thanks.


You are what you think.

You are what you think, you are what you go for, you are what you do. You are what you make of yourself. Life is a choice, your future lies upon your decisions, and its result to be bad or good relies upon how you take and react to it.

Good day! :)


When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum

Life is what we make out of it. Decisions dictate our journey, and bet on it, not all of our choices in this adventure called life would turn out good, and at times of despair, at the moment of fall and broken dreams, quitting is the worst next step to take. Yes, gathering yourself up after a severe drop could be quite a task, but the reward from such would be all worth it.

It takes courage to succeed, and requires a bigger heart to do so after a severe fall. Some dream happens, and some just don’t. It is how we react to it that decides whether our story would be an epic failure or another happy ending.


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